On the State Tests and Reflection
About a year ago, the NYC Department of Education announced that there would be no state test. I was overjoyed. I remember thinking that, even though I couldn’t go outside, it would be nice that I wouldn’t have to go through the stress of a big test. And it was nice… a year ago.
I remember the time around when we heard that the state tests were canceled. There wasn’t a defining moment, just like there was no concrete start to the pandemic. Our lifestyles just slowly changed. It started with a bit of gossip about a new virus from China, then the teachers started to wipe down our desks, and then school was moved online. I think that was the big moment that I knew Covid was something to take seriously.
My brother and I were pulled out of school by my parents 5 days before schools officially closed. I can still remember talking to my friends on the phone about not going, and one of them commenting, “Well, it doesn’t even sound like in-person school is going to last much longer anyways, so I’m sure you won’t be missing much.” This little remark kind of sums up the entire start of quarantine for me. I knew it was going to happen (maybe not to the scale it’s on now, but I could feel that there was a change just around the corner – even if it was just that we’d have to keep on lysoling the desks for a few weeks), and I was just waiting for whatever normalcy I was experiencing to keep on evaporating.
The way we heard about the state tests was similar. Everyone in the school seemed to know, a couple of weeks into the quarantine, that there would be no state tests. The teachers stopped prepping us, our parents weren’t on us about studying, and it just seemed like the one thing that I didn’t mind losing to the pandemic.
No students enjoy the state tests. There are two state tests, one for math and one for ELA (English Language Arts). Each of these tests has two testing days, and each of the testing days is solely devoted to testing – you can take as long as you want. However, most kids finish by lunch and we usually end up watching a movie for the rest of the day. Even though the teachers try to make those days more enjoyable with snacks and movies, I don’t think that a single kid finds taking a super-duper important test fun.
So last year, when the official announcement that the tests would be canceled due to the pandemic came on March 20th, I was… not sad! It was no surprise, as the announcement came only five days before the first test was scheduled, and we figured if there wasn’t any confirmation by a couple of weeks before the test, they probably weren’t going to happen. Still, hearing that I wouldn’t have to worry about taking tests on top of the, you know, pandemic, was like a breath of fresh air.
This year, the state tests are back on, although in a pandemic, you really can’t be sure of something until it’s already happened. Even though the tests are still taking place, it won’t count for anything, and you have the option to opt-out if you don’t want to go in person (there’s no remote testing option). I’m glad that I don’t have to take the test – I never liked the added stress.
When I think back to the start of the pandemic, I remember how every moment at home was exciting. New shows to binge, games to play, tests not to take. I was appreciative of the huge change in my life. Looking back, I know I didn’t think about the whole story. People were dying, losing jobs, and getting sick, all while I was enjoying what I thought would be a couple of months of quarantine. I couldn’t see the future, but neither could anyone else.
After more than a year of quarantine, a part of me misses the shared experience of taking the test. I enjoyed talking with my friends in the lunchroom about the questions that we found hard, eating goldfish (the cracker, not the pet!) and watching “Big,” the only movie our school seems to have a DVD of.
At the beginning of the pandemic, it was easy to think that I could just avoid human interaction for a little while, but now, seeing my neighbors on walks or FaceTiming friends and family is the best part of my day. I may have thought I could just go to school online, but I miss my friends and teachers.
When the pandemic started, it was easy to ignore a sense of loss that came with all the change. I enjoyed the good things and chose to overlook the fact that there was a pandemic. With more than a year passed, the change is getting old. Because my life has steadied, I find it harder and harder every day to ignore that I’m missing a “normal” life.
This year the news of not taking the state test isn’t new and exciting. Instead it’s a reminder that another year has passed in quarantine. And, instead of being something fun, it’s got me thinking about how my life used to be. But, as I have come to accept, it is what it is. I may not have my naivety to keep me happy, but I have my new coping skills, learned from this pandemic. Even though I can’t see my friends or family, isn’t FaceTiming them enough for now? Even though I can’t go to school, isn’t remote schooling just fine? It has to be, because what if something else comes and flips the world on its head?
I know that this post is similar to my posts about the SHSAT prep class and the pandemic. These posts both talk about how the pandemic has changed the way I view activities, places, and people. In both of those posts, I hope to convey that, while the pandemic is horrible, there are still positive lessons, even if you have to look a little harder.
I think that I wanted to write this post to add on to that. When the pandemic started, it seemed like something new and fresh. I was happy with the changing world, because the positive impacts, like staying home with my family or being able to bake more, helped distract from the negative impacts, like people being sick and dying or, on a smaller, personal scale, my not being able to see my friends or extended family. After months, we still kept making changes – moving, getting our numerous pets, trying new cooking trends. But after a year, the once exciting became routine, and every day, everything seems more and more the same routine.
In all of the sameness, yes, I have to come to terms with the things that I have lost due to the pandemic. But, if I really think about it, I value that sameness, too. A daily routine to keep structure, being able to expect what each day holds, a feeling of normalcy, all things I lacked during the beginning of the pandemic.
Maybe it isn’t all bad. Everything has its drawbacks, and while I would want a perfect mix of excitement and sameness, last I checked I don’t get to be in charge of what the world throws at me. Accepting reality has become a theme of this pandemic, and I think that I have come to accept a lot during this period of sameness.
So, while my all-time goal is to embrace the new things that happen to me (good or bad), I am going to have to be content with accepting what happens to me for now.
If you learned this year that you can’t really control the world, in my opinion that’s probably better than a year of traditional education. (On another note, I have a suspicion you are eating real goldfish and trying to cover it up.)